Lindsay Lohan Is Almost Totally Cured

Lindsay Lohan has apparently been doing great in her latest rehab stint at the Betty Ford Clinic, because we’ve barely heard anything about her, so it must mean that the quacks are exorcising her demons. Fortunately, TMZ reached out to its super-secret source of all things Lindsay, which means her mom or dad, and found out that the cokehound may have finally been caged.

For starters, TMZ reports that Lindsay has kicked her Adderal addiction, which leaves poverty and terrorism as America’s final hurdles to Utopia. But Lindsay’s people also claim that she’s going to disappear for a while after her rehab is done in August, and stay far, far away from the paparazzi in the big cities. Maybe just to be safe, she should go live in Syria. It’s quite lovely this time of year.

(Photo Credit: Getty)