50 Shades of Grey Gets a Release Date

Despite having no cast, 50 Shades of Grey has a release date. August 1, 2014. It doesn’t need a cast. Or a script. Or much of anything really other than a dark, semi-private structure for frustrated moms to shift their hose and tickle their beans beneath their frocks while chewing gainfully on some concession fare. The minute the title card comes up, the low moans of millions of long suffering ladies is going to echo across this land like some low frequency primal pulse that will likely knock out our national power grid for several hours. The more women tell me the book was trash and they have no intention of seeing this movie, the more I know this film is going to be a big fucking moneymaker.