The North Name Gets Even Lamer

By now we all know that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their womb ferret North West. But why? Why, of all the names in the whole world did they pick a fucking direction as a name? Was it simply to make a stupid pun? According to sources close to the  obnoxious couple, it’s a metaphor…a stupid, lame, nonsensical metaphor. They claim that it is inspirational rather than directional. The sources say, “They chose the name North because they see it as a metaphor for “up”, telling friends, “What’s North of North? Nothing.” They also say that the little shit factory is their “highest point” together, their northernmost point. Wow, that’s even stupider than if it was just a bad joke.

First of all, “up” and “north” are not the same thing. It would seem that they missed that day in 2nd grade in which they taught the kids about directions. It’s not surprising as the two of them are basically 2 IQ points away from shitting their Prada pants and wondering what that funny smell is. And “What’s North of North?” is also nonsense. North isn’t a place. It’s not like Santa’s living room in the North Pole is the spot to which all compasses are calibrated or some shit. I guess it’s sweet that they think of this kid as the zenith of their love and not just like a drunken accident that happened because Kanye didn’t pull out in time.