Judge Kim Kardashian

Instead of taking the low road – which would be chalking news that Kim K failed her “baby bar” exam again, bc she’s an idiot – let’s recognize her lofty goals and unselfish ambition.

Like many people, we knew when we first saw Kim laid out in grainy videos, and oiled up naked on obscure websites, and riding Kayne on his motorbike – this is the kind of person that would someday petition the Supreme Court on prisoners’ rights. Or like me, when she posed in too-small swimsuits or slutty Disney costumes, you probably pictured her in judges’ robes, or perhaps wearing that poofy white wig of an English barrister.

Perhaps it was the time she wore $1 billion in jewelry while vacationing in the south of France that we all realized: this humble heroine will be the voice of the oppressed, the unjustly accused, the Little People; that Kim is a Womyn who will put down her trophy children to study for a grueling bar exam, and no Man can stand in her way (except for her PR manager, divorce lawyer, webmaster, Twitter writer, and maybe the pastry chef).

We knows you is “totally bummed” Kim – keep reaching for the stars, we’ll keep fapping.