Best Sleep Ever

The two New York guards who supposed to watch sos Jeffrey Epstein in August, 2019, fell asleep, and (we suspect) the Hand of God descended into his cell and Epstein caught the dirt bus. For some reason, this is a crime – sleeping on the job near a known pedophile – and the guards lied like an Iranian missile commander to cover their tracks. What were they supposed to do, wander in in the middle of the night and beat the living shit out of him?

Also no, but Epstein is gone and these 2 were arrested and pleaded to “community service” according to Politico and others. They get “deferred prosecution”, no jail-time, and need to cooperate with an investigation into why this rich bitch was allowed to opt-out.

In a stand-up world, the judge would have given the guards a parade and some coupons to Chick-Fil-A. Think how much time and money they saved the DA, taxpayers, and Epstein’s stanky rich estate on immoral lawyers’ fees. If their community service includes picking up garbage on your block, be sure to carry them on your shoulders, or at least get them some jimmies on a hot day.

Too bad the courts didn’t assign a fine, bc the GoFundMe page to cover it would hit 7 figures.

_{Story By: Politico}