Nic the Slut

How many of us, when we were small lads, thought “I’d like to be a movie star”? Make lotsa money, star in 100 movies, maybe play Superman, and, as your career wanes, marry a tight Asian babe.

Nicolas Cage got married to 26 yo Japanese girl (woman?) Riko Shibata last month in (of course) Vegas, and they’re “very happy” and “honorable” and other stuff his PR team told him to say. We’re guessing Shibata is still learning English and doesn’t yet know the right way to say “wtf have I done” to People.

Nic, there are so many things you’ve done wrong in your career, but we’re all envious of this latest move, no matter how much she costs. (Woman for their part can envy Christie Brinkley, who still looks lustworthy in her 60s and cashed in 4 times including a rock star and an architect).

Even if cute, young Asian girls aren’t your flavor (and wtf is wrong with you), you gotta admire Cage for going into this with honesty, sobriety and we assume a pre-nup. It’s obvious to fans, and his previous wives of Asian descent, that she isn’t Cage’s forever home, more his “I want to ball in this sandbox a little while longer” playmate; and if Shibata doesn’t recognize her marriage for what it is, think twice before toileting your birth-control.

_{Story By: USA Today}