Brooke Henderson Is the Answer

We Men spend too much time judging a woman by her physical portfolio instead of her financial one – as you get older, you become more interested in getting your hands on her Bitcoins as opposed to other assets (tee-hee). Unlike her presently perky puppies, your gf shares in Tesla or Apple will always go up.

The obvious solution is to find both, and thus we turn to golf goddess Brooke Henderson. When she tees off at the US Open this weekend, keep her LPGA earnings in mind when you watch her flade into the clubhouse.

We all know who Paige Spiranic is, and Instagram is littered with “professional golfers” like Genevieve Madison and Eleonora Incardona whose swing looks like a constipated gorilla holding a hockey stick. Follow if you must, but what happens when their Gram followers drop as they turn into Madonna?

Henderson is caf, rich, ambitious, and athletic – well, as athletic as golfers get e.g. she’s not gonna out-bench Serena. She’s Canadian, so she knows what suffering is, and her stroke will keep her on the tour for years. She may be the Most Desirable Woman on the planet.

We don’t want some self-obsessed Kardashian who sleeps all day and can’t drive a stick – give us someone who gets up early and makes a healthy breakfast. I’d be like “what can I do to keep you making bank – rub your shoulders? Fly with you to Phoenix to practice your swing?” I don’t care if she can hit the ball 100 yards farther than me – if doing the dishes means your hands can sink a 40 ft putt for a quarter million, give me an apron.