Sean Penn is a Hero to Us All

When Sean Penn dies he may want to have his dick bronzed – he’s pulled down more premium candy than Ryan Reynolds and all the Old Rich White Guys in Hollywood. Penn just let slip that he married attractive 3rd-tier actress Leila George (she’s 28 and Penn is 107), daughter of fellow stars Vincent D’Onofrio and Greta Scacchi. I wonder if their first thought was “couldn’t you get someone younger” or “couldn’t you get someone with more money?”

Despite looking like the Joker with an addiction to vaping, Penn has managed to tag:

– Italian nymphet Valeria Golino

– Robin Wright, back when she played doe-eyed babes instead of short-haired women with balls

– goddess Charlize Theron – not sure why anyone would move on from her

– Scarlet Johansson, the nerd’s top crush (albeit on the rebound)

– Madonna – yes children, Madge was once reasonably attractive, and at the time didn’t need the money

– Grammy Winner and pixie Jewel

– models Jessica White and Petra Nemcova – Google them and be impressed

The Rolling Stones are surely raising a glass of Viagra-laced milk to their fellow cradle napper.

Here is a video of her getting candy – which we can assume was how Sean Penn baited her into his van back at Vincent D’Onofrio’s 50th birthday party.

Here she is shooting because guys like girls with guns.

Here are some pics of his wife: