Pete Davidson Confesses That His Cock Isn’t As Huge As Ariana Said

Pete Davidson is everyone’s go-to guy when you want to be let down. Having a great day? Just remembering that he even exists is enough to send that great day you were having straight to the dumps. And then if you’re one of the unlucky ones to remember why he’s famous in the first place, the memory may encourage you to finally curl up and die. Pete may be the most famous case of faked mental illness walking around in a wear-only-once 5 for $20 off-Times Square souvenir tee that the world has ever seen. But at least he said he’ll stop lying about his dick size. This “big dick energy” that he’s been chanting about since his Ariana days was all a hoax.

The comedian called out his ex during a stand-up set at Tarrytown Music Hall in New York, reportedly saying, “I don’t like that she talked all that shit for my penis. Everything is huge to her. Why would she tell everyone that I have a huge penis? So that every girl who sees my dick for the rest of my life is disappointed.”

It probably would have been better for Pete to continue to lie about his penis size. It’s not like the streetwalkers he’ll be sleeping with from now on charge by the inch and a smaller dick equals a discount. I thought Davidson was done after Ariana, but I believe Kate Beckinsale has been sold on whatever BS Pete’s selling about the size of his sausage. Just wait until she’s disappointed after sampling Ariana’s hand-me-down dick. Pete was only compelled to spill the beans before she did to avoid any more embarrassment.

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Instagram / MEGA