Find Out Why Will And Jada Don’t Celebrate Their Anniversary (SPOILER: It’s Because They’re Gay)

Will and Jada Smith have all but rolled out the rainbow flag when talking about their beard as hell sham of a marriage, but no one seems to be picking up on the signs. First off, look at them. Look at Will. And look at Jada. She’s a linebacker and he’s cheerleading captain. Then you have the fact that they’re diagnosable Scientologists. A known gay indicator. And then there’s the fact that they have an open marriage and literally haven’t had sex in six years. For all intents and purposes Will and Jada have outed themselves as LGBTQ celeb royalty. Yet we’re still pretending that they’re straight. Because we’re just a bunch of programmed sheep.

Adding to the “straightness” of Willamina and Jada “The Rock” Smith’s coupling is the new info that they don’t even bother to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Because they’re gay and not really a couple? Couldn’t possibly be. Baa baa sheep. Here’s what Jada had to say about not celebrating her anniversary on her straight-out-of-the-depths-of-hell Facebook talk show Red Table Talk:

It’s more of a life partnership, so it’s not steeped in marital, that day. Usually Will on New Year’s likes to be in an adventure in the world somewhere. There’s no telling where he’s gonna be. And I like to be inside. I don’t wanna be out in the world. He now has the freedom to go and have an awesome adventure of some kind.

“Life partnership” is what Anderson Cooper had with Kathy Griffin before he ungraded her for Andy Cohen. And “freedom to go and have an awesome adventure of some kind?” A butthole adventure. Honestly the only interesting thing about Will and Jada is that they’re like a Teletubby and The Hulk (respectively) living together and people still have the audacity to think they actually fuck. So ya I ship.

Photo Credit: Instagram