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Chris Pratt Engaged To Random Mangled Whore With Jesus’ Blessing
January 14, 2019 | celebrity | Sam Robeson | 0 Comments
Today we remember Anna Faris, because there’s no way her poor heart is going to be able to weather the news of her ex Chris Pratt getting engaged to some random mangled whore. Well actually the woman Pratt is set to tie the knot with is the gorgeous Katherine Schwarzenegger – the daughter of that old ‘roid case with the accent – but because we’re team Faris, as a sign of solidarity, we’ll refer to Katherine the same way that Faris most likely does. Random mangled whore.
But I wouldn’t get too comfortable if I was RMW. Pratt and Faris got engaged the same year that they officially started dating – 2008, were married the following year, had a child, and all in stayed together for almost a decade before Pratt realized that his Guardians dough could earn him a ho upgrade. For as Jesus-y as Chris Pratt has become, he’ll still ditch a bitch, and if Katherine thinks she’s got more than a decade with Pratt, she’s not just a random mangled whore. She’s a stupid random mangled whore. Anyway Pratt posted an Insta thirst bucket pic of him sucking on Katherine’s eardrum with the holy caption:
Sweet Katherine, so happy you said yes! I’m thrilled to be marrying you. Proud to live boldly in faith with you. Here we go!
Jesus Christ. R.I.P. Anna.
Photo Credit: Instagram / Getty Images / MEGA
