Alexis Ren Is Still Doing Stuff In Bikinis, But Is She A Monster?

First off, some 8her recently came for my grammar in the comments. That’s right, I’ve been h8ed. Just want to set the record straight. This is the shittiest website on the entire Internet for many reasons – and that’s taking into account our sister site Lenny Letter. You’d spend less time highlighting my complete. Sentences. Than my inbred Southern-educated Dark Web grammar. So. Fuck off. The you is implied. Anyway Alexis Ren doesn’t register as human to me anymore, and as such, while I can acknowledge that she’s super hot and bangable, it’s basically the same stirring that I get when I see a sexy dog. Like I see the appeal, but it’s not going to happen because we’re not the same species. You know what I mean fellas? Pfft, dogs. I mean women.

The twenty-two-year-old Ren is so petite that the relatively recent addition of her huge kettle bell tits makes her look like a matchstick supporting two watermelons. She honestly looks like a funhouse mirror reflection. And while in the era of hyperreality, many of our over processed Grand Theft Auto PornHub Insta brains perceive this as humanoid, it’s just not. Maybe extreme body modification is just a hangup of mine. Alexandra Daddario’s  tits are human. So are Eva Green’s. But – and honestly no disrespect to anyone – Alexis’ tits are bleak reminders of the dozens of painful and increasingly unsightly touchups she’ll receive from morally-challenged plastic surgeons over the course of her diminishingly successful career. Check out her hot pics below!

Photo Credit: Alexis Ren Instagram