TUMBLR NOOOOO

It’s the end of an era. And probably a website. The preferred social media platform for perverts, Tumblr, officially announced in a post titled “A Better, More Positive Tumblr” that it will no longer allow adult content on its site. Of course no one would know that, because no one clicks on any Tumblr post that isn’t hardcore triple penetration tentacle porn. They state that they’ve “given serious thought to who (they) want to be to (their) community moving forward,” and that they’re dedicated to “fostering more constructive dialogue among (their) community members.” And then, the big blow:

Today, we’re taking another step by no longer allowing adult content, including explicit sexual content and nudity (with some exceptions)… Posts that contain adult content will no longer be allowed on Tumblr, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to reflect this policy change.

The Verge reports that this comes on the heels of Tumblr being removed from Apple’s App Store due to a child pornography scandal. Um as long as Elle Fanning is allowed to be on the Internet, there’s always going to be a child pornography scandal. Tumblr touches on the scandal, which you can read more about here, in their post with:

Posting anything that is harmful to minors, including child pornography, is abhorrent and has no place in our community. We’ve always had and always will have a zero tolerance policy for this type of content.

And yet when I search Elle Fanning on Tumblr I get thousands of results. Sick fucks. Tumblr is 80% porn, 10% people killing for Slender Man, and 10% porn about people killing for Slender Man, so without porn, the already dated site will be most likely be royally fucked.

And I blame raging bitch Marissa Mayer. Curveball. Under raging bitch Marissa Mayer’s CEO tenure, Yahoo acquired Tumblr for over $1 billion in 2013. She has since been ousted from Yahoo (which technically no longer exists FYI – it’s called Oath or whatever) because despite her lofty goals for the post-mortem company, she wasn’t able to monetize their properties as she brazenly promised. Of course this was after she laid off thousands of Yahoo workers –  some by accident – in a desperate attempt to appease investors frustrated over her severe and frightening mental retardation. The Yahoo board let Mayer make the Tumblr purchase long after it should have already gone the way of Xanga (or fallen into the hands of a company that actually knew what it was doing). She stated at the time:

I’m delighted to announce that we’ve reached an agreement to acquire Tumblr! We promise not to screw it up.

Raging bitch. Yahoo (Or Oath or what the hell ever) can’t come up with a functioning email, let alone nurture a weird social media platform that no one actually understands how to use. And now they’ve made the worst business decision of all by axing all porn content. And if you’re wondering why this has me so enraged, it’s because A) I really do hate Marissa Mayer and B) I really do love free porn.

Photo Credit: Pando