PETA Wants To End “Speciesism” With Phrases Like “Feed Two Birds With One Scone”

Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here’s how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations. pic.twitter.com/o67EbBA7H4

— PETA: Bringing Home the Bagels Since 1980 (@peta) December 4, 2018

Dear Internet Jesus. Do you love us or hate us. It’s really hard to tell with shit like PETA’s new guide – which replaces common phrases involving animals with stupid ones also involving animals – to end speciesism. Yes they deem the usage of animal terminology as speciesism. Only they can use these words. You Nerf Herder. PETA chastises the un-animal-woke with:

Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here’s how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations.

Just as it became unacceptable to use racist, homophobic, or ableist language, phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals will vanish as more people begin to appreciate animals for who they are and start ‘bringing home the bagels’ instead of the bacon.

Meanwhile, the animal phrase that’s legitimately gross – “There’s more than one way to skin a cat” – is nowhere to be found on their list. Racist. Even the idiot idiom alternatives that PETA does provide don’t necessarily sound like they’re putting animals first. “Feed a fed horse.” If you feed a horse who’s already fed he’ll explode. And “Feed two birds with one scone?” If you attract hordes of birds in my city of Chicago by feeding them you will be shot. I mean you’ll be shot anyway. But you get the picture.

By comparing the fairytale word “speciesism” to homophobia and racism, the folks at PETA are proving once and for all that they really have lost the damn plot. Advocating for animals is, on paper, a good thing. I love animals. ThEy’Re TaStY. DURRR. PETA is known for maybe sorta kinda taking the piss out of themselves by pulling stunts like parading around Courtney Stodden with just plastic lettuce over her twat. So maybe this guide was intended as a joke. Maybe not. Either way just remember. Bring home the beagles.

Photo Credit: Peta