Now You: Best Thanksgiving Food

Thanksgiving honestly isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and in between the stressful travel and deteriorating mental state of my parents, I’d almost rather just stay home and masturbate for four days. I mean. Ya. The silver lining is that there’s always food. Sometimes really fucking good food. Bread that’s festered up a turkey’s twat for half a day, aka stuffing? Get in my belly. There’s also the turkey itself, cranberry sauce, yam shit, green beans, pumpkin pie, a cornucopia, apple cider, Everclear, meth. Whatever your family’s into. Let us know the best Thanksgiving food in the comments. Gobble gobble bitches.

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