Miniature Man Drank Himself To Death

For Verne Troyer, drinking was not just a small problem. In fact, his death has been officially ruled as suicide by shitface. Which is quite terrifying when you think about it. Everyone is putting themselves at a higher risk of meeting their maker sooner with every purchase of Miller High Life. Midgets, even more so. But who really wants to be a straight-edge salad eating vegan when beer can make you feel better than any Cobb salad ever could.

Verne Troyer‘s death has officially been ruled a suicide … TMZ has confirmed.

The L.A. County Coroner’s Office released an autopsy report Wednesday saying the ‘Austin Powers’ star died of “sequelae of alcohol intoxication” … basically alcohol abuse. Shortly after his death, the Coroner’s Office “deferred” Verne’s cause of death … pending an investigation. The Coroner’s Office has now determined alcohol abuse is what killed the actor.

It’s unfortunate that depression is indiscriminate. He’s gotten further in life than many men twice his size. But he should have thought twice about downing a tall boy daily since he has never been one and the effects of alcohol varies by body type. Blowing triple the legal limit for someone closer to six foot may just be another interesting Saturday night. Or another Monday morning if your name is Ben Affleck. Hangovers are horrible. Finding that happy medium way past buzzed and stopping right before breaching the point where you’re throwing up on the ride home is an art. Literally drinking yourself to death, takes dedication and a lifetime of people laughing at you for being a little person. I’d hit the bottle hard too if the only thing anyone mentioned every time they saw me was my contribution to Austin Powers. He may have not had height, but he sure had heart.