Michael Jackson Wanted To Be James Bond Very Badly

Idris Elba is in the corner of a lowly lit room somewhere in Shoreditch slow dancing with the recently realized reality that America was ready for a black president, but not a black James Bond. But, according to a new memoir from a celebrity agent, there were brothers before him that wanted to play the role of 007, most famously, Michael Jackson. Mike has had many faces over the years. Black face, brown face, white face. Then ultimately settling on a casper-like complexion that would have opened the door for the King of Unattended and Underage Kids to reach heights Idris could only dream of. But just because you’re the preferred skin tone to play Bond, doesn’t mean you’re the preferred physique.

James Bond has been played by seven different actors over the course of 26 movies based on Ian Fleming’s iconic British superspy —and Michael Jackson wanted to be one of them.

At least that’s what legendary Hollywood power agent Michael Ovitz claims in his new memoir, Who Is Michael Ovitz? According to an anecdote published by the New York Post, the King of Pop rallied hard to play 007 in the movies over chips and guac.

“As he talked, his hat fell into the guacamole in front of him, and he picked it out and put it back on – unfortunately, with a blob of guacamole attached, which began to slide down the brim,” Ovitz wrote.

“Ron Meyer tapped my leg to draw my attention to it, and we all watched in horrified fascination as it slid lower and lower while Michael was pitching us hard on how he was America’s next action hero. Then the blob fell off, and Ron totally lost it. I cracked up, too, and Michael stalked out.”

Imagine the shit-show that would have ensued had Michael actually been allowed to play James Bond. It’s hard to convince an audience that you’re an international incognito infiltrator when you’re the most famous moonwalking transracial man on the globe. His list of special requests would have gotten the film canceled. There’s only so many times a director can calmly deny Michael’s petitions that the Aston Martin DB5 shoot glitter to defeat the bad guys before he gives up on the entire project.