Kristen Stewart Is Sexually Ambiguous Butterfly

When stars get chatty about sexuality and personal preferences, it’s proof that they’re on their way out to pasture. Showing your tits to anyone that’ll pay attention has been a proven fail-proof formula for years. It’s only when men focus their attention on much younger fun bags to ogle is when women start looking for that lesbian audience they ignored during the climax of their career. Enter Kristen Stewart. A woman who genuinely believes that strolling atop the sexuality fence and inability to pick a side somehow makes her interesting. For the rest of us stuck in reality, we’re pretty much forced to pick between hetero and homosexuality. I still don’t think promiscuous pansexual is legally recognized as a relationship status to file taxes.”

Kristen Stewart is no stranger to making headlines for her sexuality. Whether it’s her viral Saturday Night Live moment or her honest subsequent interviews, the actress doesn’t shy away from the topic.

“Yeah, ambiguity is my favorite thing ever. In terms of sexuality? For sure. And also in making films, if you perfectly answer every question, you don’t allow for people to have their own experience and really indulge a thought,” she shared with the publication via People. “I feel the same way about how we f–k each other. You don’t want to know everything all the time.”

Not knowing everything about the person you’re porking is exactly why STD rates are rising faster than Amazon stock. Could be razor bumps, could be contagious genital warts. If you don’t care who you sleep with, at least attempt to care about what your “pick a partner, any partner” probably has. This is, at minimum, the millionth time Kristen has brought up what she likes to bring home on a Saturday night after a long day of shopping for inclusive rainbow colored six-speed sex toys. And guess what, still no one cares. Instead of focusing on how hip being an undecided dyke is, she should focus on apologizing to Robert Pattinson. He turned her into a vampire and lover. She turned him into the laughing stock of Hollywood. He was into her, while she was into banging directors, women, and anything else behind his back that bothered to remember her name for longer than 24 hours.

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