Goop Gotta Pay Up

Gwyneth Paltrow is a lying piece of Goop, and certainly not the prophet that she’s parading herself around to be. No, she doesn’t have the answers. And contrary to her average customer’s belief, if you touch the edge of her very expensive Anthropologie cowl-neck poncho pullover hand sewn by Malaysian immigrants a miracle healing won’t happen. The same absence of a miracle can be expected for any item being sold on the snake oil shop she has online. Stuffing an egg in your muff won’t make your life better, it just makes you a kinky idiot. And while a dummy and their money deserve to part ways, the law still looks out for these buffoons that willingly chose to give Gwyn their cash in exchange for an egg shaped stone to stuff up their cooter.

According to SFGate, Gwyneth Paltrow’s company Goop has agreed to fork over a $145,000 to settle a false advertising lawsuit. This all stems from Goop pushing the jade vagina egg.

Goop started selling a $66 vagina egg that promised to balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles, and prevent depression. Technically, the only proven science-based claim might be that it would make an excellent paper weight, so of course Gwyneth got in trouble. Goop hater and gynecologist Dr. Jen Gunter advised that no woman should put a jade egg up their vagina. Eventually a lawsuit was filed by the Santa Clara County District Attorney’s Office for false advertising.

The description reads as follows:

“Used by women to increase sexual energy and pleasure, this nephrite jade stone helps connect the second chakra (the heart) and yoni for optimal self-love and well being.”

In response to the settlement, Goop Inc. has released the following statement:

“While Goop believes there is an honest disagreement about these claims, the company wanted to settle this matter quickly and amicably.”

Amazingly, Gwyneth Paltrow and the useless snatch stone aren’t going away. She’s forking over penalty money but refuses to stop selling the emperor new clothes. You can still buy the same item that cost her a six-figure settlement. If you’re of high-class and tired of ramming regular eggs in the orifices that they don’t belong, purchase here. There’s no guarantee of medical benefits that come from it, but what can be guaranteed is that you’re fancy pervert with too much money and most likely a very questionable internet search history.

[All The Best Stuff From Gwyneth Paltrow From TMZ]

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