2018 Emmy Winners Are Kind Of Okay

As you’ve probably noticed, our posts are appearing on the front page a day after they are published. It’s a little industry secret. Shhh. If you want a workaround until this problem is fixed, you can click on the author name at the top of the page. This will reveal the latest posts. Anyway, by the time you read this, you’ll already know the outcome of the 2018 Primetime Emmys, if you ever cared, but hopefully your bitter asses will have some resentment towards the winners worth sharing in the comments.  

Hollywood insiders go into hyperlactation when any movie or television show references the biz we call show. Blow job factory Emma Stone’s Academy Award for La La Land knows what I’m talking about. It’s because of this that The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel racked up eight wins, including one for Alex Borstein and one for the lead actress Rachel Brosnahan.

Darren Criss really went out on a limb to portray a gay man for American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace, and was rewarded accordingly with a win. Let’s see. I hate John Mulaney, Bill Hader is homophobic, Thandie Newton is cool, and Claire Foy is more bangable than you probably think. What else?

Outstanding Drama Series

WINNER: Game of Thrones (HBO)
The Americans (FX)
The Crown (Netflix)
The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu)
Stranger Things (Netflix)
This Is Us (NBC)
Westworld (HBO)

Outstanding Comedy Series

WINNER: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Amazon)
Atlanta (FX)
Barry (HBO)
Black-ish (ABC)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO)
GLOW (Netflix)
Silicon Valley (HBO)
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Netflix)

Outstanding Limited Series

WINNER: The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story (FX)
The Alienist (TNT)
Genius: Picasso (National Geographic)
Godless (Netflix)
Patrick Melrose (Showtime)

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series

WINNER: Matthew Rhys, The Americans
Jason Bateman, Ozark
Sterling K. Brown, This Is Us
Ed Harris, Westworld
Milo Ventimiglia, This Is Us
Jeffrey Wright, Westworld

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series

WINNER: Claire Foy, The Crown
Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black
Elisabeth Moss, The Handmaid’s Tale
Sandra Oh, Killing Eve
Keri Russell, The Americans
Evan Rachel Wood, Westworld

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

WINNER: Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Game of Thrones
Mandy Patinkin, Homeland
David Harbour, Stranger Things
Matt Smith, The Crown
Joseph Fiennes, The Handmaid’s Tale

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

WINNER: Thandie Newton, Westworld
Millie Bobby Brown, Stranger Things
Alexis Bledel, The Handmaid’s Tale
Ann Dowd, The Handmaid’s Tale
Lena Headey, Game of Thrones
Vanessa Kirby, The Crown
Yvonne Strahovski, The Handmaid’s Tale

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie

WINNER: Darren Criss, The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story
Antonio Banderas, Genius: Picasso
Benedict Cumberbatch, Patrick Melrose
Jeff Daniels, The Looming Tower
John Legend, Jesus Christ Superstar
Jesse Plemons, USS Calister Black Mirror

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie

WINNER: Regina King, Seven Seconds
Jessica Biel, The Sinner
Laura Dern, The Tale
Michelle Dockery, Godless
Edie Falco, Law & Order True Crime: The Menendez Murders
Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Cult

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or Movie

WINNER: Jeff Daniels, Godless
Brandon Victor Dixon, Jesus Christ Superstar
John Leguizamo, Waco
Ricky Martin, The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story
Edgar Ramirez, The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story
Michael Stuhlbarg, The Looming Tower
Finn Wittrock, The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series or Movie

WINNER: Merritt Wever, Godless
Sara Bareilles, Jesus Christ Superstar
Penelope Cruz, The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story
Judith Light, The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story
Adina Porter, American Horror Story: Cult
Letitia Wright, Black Museum (Black Mirror)

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

WINNER: Bill Hader, Barry
Anthony Anderson, Black-ish
Ted Danson, The Good Place
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Donald Glover, Atlanta
William H. Macy, Shameless

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

WINNER: Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Pamela Adlon, Better Things
Allison Janney, Mom
Issa Rae, Insecure
Tracee Ellis Ross, Black-ish
Lily Tomlin, Grace and Frankie

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

WINNER: Henry Winkler, Barry
Louie Anderson, Baskets
Tituss Burgess, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Brian Tyree Henry, Atlanta
Tony Shalhoub, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Kenan Thompson, Saturday Night Live
Alec Baldwin, Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

WINNER: Alex Borstein, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Zazie Beetz, Atlanta
Aidy Bryant, Saturday Night Live
Betty Gilpin, GLOW
Leslie Jones, Saturday Night Live
Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live
Laurie Metcalf, Roseanne
Megan Mullally, Will & Grace

Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special

WINNER: John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous At Radio City (Netflix) (John Mulaney)
Full Frontal With Samantha Bee Presents: The Great American* Puerto Rico (*It’s Complicated) (TBS)
Michelle Wolf: Nice Lady (HBO)
Patton Oswalt: Annihilation (Netflix)
Steve Martin & Martin Short: An Evening You Will Forget For The Rest Of Your Life (Netflix)

Outstanding Directing for a Variety Special

Winner: The Oscars (ABC) (Glenn Weiss)
Dave Chappelle: Equanimity (Netflix)
Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Before Seinfeld (Netflix)
Steve Martin & Martin Short: An Evening You Will Forget For The Rest Of Your Life (Netflix)
Super Bowl LII Halftime Show Starring Justin Timberlake (NBC)

Outstanding Variety Talk Series

WINNER: Last Week Tonight With John Oliver (HBO)
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah (Comedy Central)
Full Frontal With Samantha Bee (TBS)
Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC)
The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS)
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS)

Outstanding Variety Sketch Series

WINNER: Saturday Night Live (NBC)
At Home With Amy Sedaris (TruTV)
Drunk History (Comedy Central)
I Love You, America (Hulu)
Portlandia (IFC)
Tracey Ullman’s Show (HBO)

Photo Credit: All the Hottest Emmy Arrivals from Town and Country / Backgrid USA