Sadly Elon Musk Isn’t Involved In The LSD-Fueled Threesomes We All Assumed

I was hopeful for the future and really thought humanity was headed in the right direction with Elon Musk at the helm. But the fact that human race’s savior even brushes shoulders with the likes of a woman whose outer labia has the same wingspan length of a fully extended adult sugar glider in mid flight has me in a state of gloom. Elon is denying all allegations coming from Azealia Banks about him seeking a threesome with her and his Canadian singer girlfriend Grimes, who also happens to share a striking resemblance with Gollum from LOTR. Banks also claims Elon tweets about Tesla while on acid. Anti-drug programs in middle school would have been more efficient if instructors let kids know in addition to a possible overdose, there’s a chance you may be influenced to have group sex with musical cave creatures. If I had a billion dollars I’m not selecting Craigslist-tier entertainers for ménage à trios. Unless I was tripping balls on hallucinogens. Then I’d have sex with whatever is within arm’s reach and worry about the Me Too later.

Elon Musk is responding to Azealia Banks’s bizarre allegations about a weekend she says she spent at his house with his girlfriend Grimes.On Sunday, the 27-year-old rapper — who has a history of social media beef — took to Twitter, claiming she flew from New York City to Los Angeles to collaborate with Grimes, 30.

Banks alleges she and Grimes never got around to making music and went on to claim billionaire tech mogul Musk, 47, tweeted business dealings while on an acid trip, then wildly speculated that Musk and Grimes only invited her to L.A. to participate in a threesome with them.

A spokesperson for Musk told PEOPLE the claims are “absolute nonsense.”

“I waited around all weekend while grimes coddled her boyfriend for being too stupid to know not to go on twitter while on acid,” Banks wrote in an Instagram story on Sunday, alleging that Musk was on drugs when he made his social media announcement that he is “considering” taking his public company, Tesla, private for $420 shares.

“They invited me here to stay and told me I couldn’t bring my boyfriend…. Lol … it was probably some weird threesome sex s— to begin with,” Banks added.

Elon possesses the wherewithal to build a better Bella Hadid or Thorne with desirable upgrades like bigger boobs and the absence of a voice box. He needs quality friends and a handler. Someone to keep him on a literal leash for corrective tugs whenever he gets the urge to talk shit on Twitter or ask women way below his pay grade to take their pants off. Because if he keeps this up, we’ll never colonize Mars. And I don’t know how much longer I can be stuck on a planet with a growing population of male feminists that cis-shame me for not acknowledging Bruce Jenner as a beautiful woman named Caitlyn.

Azealia Banks exposing Elon Musk for tweeting while on Acid.. while she was waiting for Grimes at her home … whewwww lord 😳 pic.twitter.com/i9BXWWrLAD

— sadhoeflo (@sadhoeflo) August 13, 2018

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Splash News / MEGA