Matt Lauer Unloading Assets

Matt Lauer is not the man he used to be. The unexpected Me Too movement toppled everything from his marriage to his career. Who knew dabbling in a little sexual misconduct could eventually lead to experiencing immediate money problems for a man of his caliber. He was a news anchor for Christ’s sake, not an actor. But I will admit if I saw women like Yanet Garcia walking around the office I’d make sure to let them know they’re eligible for a lifetime’s worth of complimentary tongue sponge baths at my humble abode. No reservations necessary, walk-ins welcome. Regrettably, such boorish behavior and sexually suggestive comments coming from Matt has led to him hiding his identity while out in the Hamptons, hoping someone notices the “For Sale” sign in his Range Rover and donates to the millions of dollars he’ll owe Annette after the divorce. But at least a soon to be cash-strapped Matt managed to sell his Manhattan apartment for more than it was worth. It looks like all that experience from taking advantage of others in the workplace rolled over into real estate, working to his benefit for once.

Former Today anchor Matt Lauer recently sold his Upper East Side apartment after just four months on the market—and for more than the $7.35 million asking price. The lavish unit, which comes with a $7,776-a-month maintenance fee, features three bedrooms and four-and-a-half bathrooms and spans 3,500 square feet.

I wonder if Lauer will have to sell all of his suits, then eventually himself, if wants to keep from starving to death on Skid Row. Once you’re an official Me Too offender it’s hard to find work at places like McDonalds ever since they started calling their fry cook position “careers.” He’s working fast to come up with quick cash, but alimony, attorney fees, and child support should easily put him in the red with whatever amount he manages to net.

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