CGM Battling Boob And Boyfriend Problems

Chloë Grace Moretz’s body is causing her some heartache. I believe she’s aging backwards like she has Benjamin Button syndrome, doomed to toil in an indefinitely suspended state of ineradicable baby fat with a side of kid face. The purgatory that she seems to be stuck in makes most men require her to show an up-to-date state issued ID or valid drivers license before even considering the thought of lustfully gazing at a woman who looks like she turns 13 year after year. Moretz is obviously a vampire who has chosen to spend her immortality on this Earth in the body of the same girl in eighth grade that never gets asked to any dance so she always takes her best friend. Chloë says she felt pressured to get breast implants. I’m not surprised. As a breasts connoisseur, I can tell she’s the owner of the less popular cone shape that can be found on most moderately overweight men. It’s unimpressive to say the least.

Chloë Grace Moretz contemplated getting breast implants after finding a push-up bra and inserts in her trailer while filming a movie when she was just 16 years old.

“I was like, ‘Where did these come from?’ Those little things were insidious. Even though you can brush them off, you still internalize them,” Moretz, 21, told The Sunday Times Style magazine. “They make you question yourself and think, ‘Well, maybe I am unhappy with the size of my breasts.’”

She managed to throw her ex-boyfriend under the bus as well. Which is understandable. Brooklyn Beckham chose Madison Beer and a Playboy model over her and forgot to formally tell her that he was no longer interested in being her lover.

Her ex made headlines when he was spotted making out with a Playboy model immediately after their split.

Sad to think about poor Chloë having to hear all about that secondhand…

When asked very specifically whether she wants any quote about Brooklyn on the record, she first answers:

“I want nothing to be said.”

But then adds:

“I’m not a big fan of PDAs in general. I personally don’t want to see people posted all over my phone making out.”

If Chloë wants someone to blame here, she doesn’t have to look further past the shape of her body. Celebrities are shallow, and so are their offspring. Even when their offspring haven’t accomplished anything themselves. If anything, she dodged a bullet. Brooklyn wants to become a photographer which is a far cry from being a real profession. I doubt he’ll be able to become a genuine provider and will eventually end up relying on daddy’s money when no is buying his hipster portraits he calls art. Until then Chloë can keep her fingers crossed that one day Tinder decides to replace pictures with personality descriptions.

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