BREAKING: Nagging Wife Makes Husband Go To Rehab

Inbred former celebrity and lifelong Christian zealot Jennifer Garner was once in something called Alias, and Ben Affleck was once inside her, so therefore she’s famous enough for us to give a shit about. Garner is so dedicated to the church that she feels that divorce lands people in “H” “E” double hockey sticks, and after her unholy God-smiting split from Chris Foley in 2004, she can’t afford another misstep. I imagine hell is even more torturous than watching one of her movies.

All of this brings us to Ben Affleck, who Garner refuses to release from the shackles of marriage. This is in contrast to what the fake media says of their relationship – Garner filed for divorce in 2017, but Affleck desperately wants her back, even after fucking multiple women behind her back, and the duo prolonged the divorce process for so long that the judge handling the case is threatening to throw it out. Bullshit. She’s a psychotic nutjob, and just last week Affleck was seen completely wasted while partying with his hot fuck buddy, Playboy Playmate Shauna Sexton. Now there’s a man pining for his dour ugly frigid wife.

This really brings us to Ben Affleck checking into rehab yesterday evening. According to TMZ, Garner staged a solo intervention at his home in Pacific Palisades. Affleck, who fell off the wagon, if he was ever on it, allegedly didn’t need much coercing, and at around 6 PM yesterday Garner drove Affleck to an L.A. rehab facility, The Canyon Treatment Center. They stopped at Jack in the Box on the way, because they enjoy getting car diarrhea. Doesn’t Jen have anything better to do than baby her estranged cheating husband? Oh wait, no she doesn’t.

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