Elon Musk Promising To Purify Water In Flint

Elon Musk is further proving that poor people make for great test subjects. Following in the footsteps of another wealthy white man by the name of Bill Gates, Elon Musk also wants to make water great again for the underprivileged. If Jesus can turn water into wine, and Bill can turn feces into faucet quality H20, then Elon should be able to turn the shit colored water of Flint into natural artesian bottled Fuji water. Or at least he’ll try his best.

Fresh off his attempt to rescue the Thai soccer team trapped in a cave, billionaire inventor Elon Musk has pledged to come to the rescue of people in Flint, Michigan, who are still suffering from a notorious water crisis.

Musk’s offer came after what appeared to be a trolling tweet from Cullen Crawford, who needled Musk for being beaten to the punch in Thailand (the boys were rescued not by his submarine, but by divers) and suggested a new cause for him to take up.

America forgot about Flint before it ever fixed the water problem. And Elon is just as helpful as he is a narcissist. Incoming new religion alert. If Musk fixes traffic in Los Angeles, makes Mars inhabitable, and has the world driving Tesla 3s like the second coming of the Ford Model T, then he’ll want a loyal earthly following and a few statues built in his honor for helping humanity out of its rut. The people will shout from the streets “Jesus Christ, Muhammed, Buddha, and Brahma who?” All praise will only go to the most honorable Musk. In addition to praying five times a day in the direction of Silicon Valley, all tithes will need to be sent directly to Elon through Paypal.

Elon musk, I promise no one will beat you to the punch if you try to help the people of Flint, Michigan

— Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) July 10, 2018

Please consider this a commitment that I will fund fixing the water in any house in Flint that has water contamination above FDA levels. No kidding.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 11, 2018

Photo Credit: Amber Heard and Elon Musk from Splash News / Backgrid USA