Lindsay Lohan Middle Yeast Infection

Lindsay Lohan’s days of getting passed around by Sheikhs like a timeshare Fleshlight have apparently led to her “renaissance,” and the new and improved Lohan can be seen in all her gory in the new issue of everyone’s favorite magazine – Emirates Woman. Lohan is fresh off the heels of opening her second club in Greece, and according to the magazine, just finished purchasing two islands in Dubai that she will turn into entertainment complexes. Visitors will get the full Lohan experience there. Start as a fresh-faced starlet, do a bunch of blow, bang Samantha Ronson, and then look fifty.

Although Lohan might be one of the most tragic figures in Hollywood, she seems to be the last one to catch onto her soul-crushing trajectory. Lohan is living out the last year or two of her life in Middle Eastern sex slave bliss, and we should all be happy for her. Normally I would say that in addition to finding “peace in the Middle East” she found a plastic surgeon with loose morals, but honestly, she looks more lifelike than the new crop of starlets like Kylie Jenner. Lindsay, what do you say to Kylie Jenner for lowering the bar so significantly that you look kind of okay? Thank you Kylie.

Photo Credit: Emirates Woman / Instagram / Pacific Coast News