Jamie Foxx’s Under Me Too Investigation After Alleged Man Meat Assault

I would like to believe that there aren’t many people who would like be on the receiving end of a hands-free roundhouse dick slap. It’s preposterous to believe that a penis can be used as a weapon. But that didn’t stop a woman from trying her luck and labeling Jamie Foxx a weiner whipper. The accuser claims that somehow her face and Foxx’s manhood was on the verge of becoming acquainted when she caught a case of cold feet. Allegedly her noncompliance to kiss the tip angered Jamie so much that he smacked her with his meat stick. It’s possible that Jamie struck her so hard with his wang she suffered memory loss. She completely forgot about the incident for 16 years.

Jamie Foxx is the latest celebrity to be accused of sexual misconduct, but he says the allegation is “absurd.”

The 50-year-old actor is speaking out against the allegation that he “slapped a woman with his penis”  in 2002, which was first reported by TMZ. A spokesman for the Las Vegas police tells PEOPLE, “On June 8, 2018 a female victim came to the LVMPD and alleged that a sexual assault occurred in the Las Vegas area in 2002 and named Jaime Foxx as the suspect. A report was taken and the incident will be investigated. Due to the nature of the crime, no further details can be released.”

Foxx’s lawyer issued a statement to PEOPLE, which included that the actor was seeking legal action against his accuser.

This incident seems like a case of oral gone wrong if there’s any truth to her story. She needs to explain how she was slapped. Was it a spring loaded pull back and release? Maybe a six hit combo dog tail wag. Maybe Jamie mastered the art of the one inch Bruce Lee punch using his penis. There’s too much not being said from both sides. But my guess is this woman is apart of a smear campaign launched by a very crazy Tom Cruise who is still upset over his wife being stolen away by Jamie.

Photo Credit: Jamie Foxx’s model daughter Corinne Foxx from Splash News / Instagram