Carrie Underwood Secret Facial Lacerations

The last one hundred times a celebrity noted that they’d had an accident requiring superficial surgery, they were lying about undergoing some kind of cosmetic surgery. Rose McGowan may have invented an entire car crash to cover for her disfiguring 90210 doctor alterations. That doesn’t mean Carrie Underwood is necessarily lying when she claims she’s been in hiding for the past five weeks after suffering a fall at her home and slicing her face, to the tune of 40-50 stitches. If you know your stitch counts, you know that’s not a small number. Especially when it’s your face and whence cometh your fortune. When Steph Curry sprains an ankle, it’s big news.

For those of you not currently members of the Carrie Underwood Fan Club, Underwood sent out a message about her injuries. She noted for her fans that she’s healing and not to be surprised if she looks different when she’s ready to reveal herself again. She’s been completely absent from social media selfies since late November, save for a photo of herself wrapped in a scarf she posted mysteriously. It’s like The Mummy. If you wanted to fuck The Mummy while drinking Jack and listening to sad songs.

The number of celebrities openly speaking about plastic surgery upgrades is minor. Kaley Cuoco refreshingly talks about her fake titties being the best investment she ever made. A million dollars an episode later, it’s hard to argue. Yet the general numbers hover around the same stats for openly gay male actors in Hollywood. It’s almost never discussed, despite the fact everybody is aware it’s incredibly common, if not the norm. The plastic surgery and the gay.

It’s possible Underwood did take a horrible tumble. You know how 34-year olds are always crashing to the ground in pools of their own blood. Though please keep in your back pocket the incredibly uneven impact of facial surgery on the aging woman in entertainment. It’s almost impossible to avoid puppet face by 45 once you start the incisions. It’s the CTE of hot chicks in Hollywood. You’re selling out a lot of future for a few good years in your prime.

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