Time’s Person Of The Year A Bunch Of “Silence Breakers” But Mostly Taylor Swift

The magazine that your great-grandparents got all of their breaking Dust Bowl news from, Time Magazine, has managed to stay relevant for yet another year by awarding its Person of the Year distinction to a bunch of women who have experienced sexual assault, been manhandled, or just seen a man in general, and lived to report it. This is in no way intended to play off of last year’s Person of the Year, Donald Trump, and in no way feels like months-late click bait. You’ll never believe who’s flat ass was grabbed by a DJ. Oh, you already heard about it fourteen years ago? Well too bad, because the Internet will still apparently fuck anything tangential to the #MeToo movement. Consensually of course. Time gleefully grabs its ankles with:

These silence breakers have started a revolution of refusal, gathering strength by the day, and in the past two months alone, their collective anger has spurred immediate and shocking results: nearly every day, CEOs have been fired, moguls toppled, icons disgraced. In some cases, criminal charges have been brought.

Hm kay. My biggest complaint with this Time Magazine article is that it only highlights the fact that we’ve somehow conflated all aspects of harassment and assault. At what point was calling kids names on the playground the same as sexually molesting them? Or whatever happened on your playground. I’m from Appalachia. Actual rape and sexual assault can’t tip the #MeToo sympathy scale anymore, even when only up against an unwanted photo op ass grab. And yes, I’m specifically referencing Taylor Swift Inc., who I hate and think the youths are onto, but who you guys apparently are still rocking out to. 

Swift appears on-brand and defiant on the cover of Time. Her role as a victim has never been more succinct, and most of the early press coming out of this Time Person of the Year issue focuses specifically on Swift’s statement about her legal battle with a groping DJ. Groping and DJ being redundant words:

When I testified, I had already been in court all week and had to watch this man’s attorney bully, badger and harass my team including my mother over inane details and ridiculous minutiae, accusing them, and me, of lying. My mom was so upset after her cross-examination, she was physically too ill to come to court the day I was on the stand. I was angry,” Taylor said. “In that moment, I decided to forego any courtroom formalities and just answer the questions the way it happened. This man hadn’t considered any formalities when he assaulted me, and his lawyer didn’t hold back on my mom—why should I be polite? I’m told it was the most amount of times the word ‘ass’ has ever been said in Colorado Federal Court.

My advice is that you not blame yourself and do not accept the blame others will try to place on you. You should not be blamed for waiting 15 minutes or 15 days or 15 years to report sexual assault or harassment, or for the outcome of what happens to a person after he or she makes the choice to sexually harass or assault you.

People have a finite attention span. Presumably – probably according to Swift and her supporters – her time in the #MeToo spotlight will create a sea change in the status groping quo and help build the foundation on which justice and equality for all will stand tall. You could also say that Swift is minimizing the experiences of those grappling with non-fame ho issues by stealing the spotlight instead of sharing it. Other women are featured in the Time piece, but they could have been gang banged by ISIS and no one would care. By the time we’ve experienced Swift’s harrowing journey our cursor is already on its way to Internet porn. “Wealth is like sea-water; the more we drink, the thirstier we become; and the same is true of fame” is something I just found on the Internet. Because I don’t have the attention span to read about whatever happened to these frump faces. But I do think that missing out on #MeToo would be as grave a mistake for a fame ho as missing out on the Ice Bucket Challenge. And when standing with a movement is more about fine-tuning your brand and extending your fame than anything else, you don’t deserve the prestige of being on a magazine that no one reads.

^{Photo Credit: Time Magazine}