The Clooneys Are Beyond Adorable

George Clooney can do no wrong. The shit that stinks never stinks next to Clooney. His excuse for why he never turned on Harvey Weinstein despite knowing his horrid reputation was considered valid. What other man got that absolution? Clooney can fuck ten younger women he never intends to marry and still win awards from ladies’ magazines for being the perfect man. Jezebel bloggers wouldn’t call him out for slapping their asses at pressed juice bars. The man wears a cloak of invincibility. There’s no way to share the cloak, so suppose you can merely be happy for the guy.

According to a “spy” on their flight, so, their publicist, George Clooney and Amal Clooney considerately passed out headphones to passengers on their flight to London, along with a note pre-apologizing in case their six month old twins cried. The height of consideration and adorability for new parents, even if super old. Imagine Clooney’s smiling mug as he tossed out shrink-wrapped headphones to the passengers. Who wouldn’t let this guy fuck their daughter?

“Even Quentin Tarantino, who was onboard, wore the headphones. But “the babies didn’t make a peep!”

Said the Clooney’s publicist, err, unidentified spy.

Less mentioned in the headlines is the fact that Clooney passed out Casamigos promo headphones. Signature SWAG from Clooney’s one billion dollar celebrity owned tequila company. Or, free. Also, the Clooneys don’t fly anywhere close to Coach. Even Business Class is in their rear view. The guy in the middle seat back in row 44 has bigger problems on an eleven hour transatlantic than the chance the nanny can’t console the rich guy’s twins up in 2A. Beyond the barrier constructed so the beaming actor can freely shit up a storm while you’re holding in your piss for an hour in a line in the rear of the long metal cylinder. Thanks for the plastic headphones. The airline already passes these out. How about some actual tequila?

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