Leonardo DiCaprio Taking the World Beyond Meat

If you can be seen as prophetic leader of the thoughtful world citizen movement whilst personally indulging in every known form of gluttony, God bless you for pulling it off. Leonardo DiCaprio has fashioned himself into a beloved feminist who bangs hot models half his age, an environmentalist who travels by private plane and 400-plus foot watercraft, and now a vegan burger patty magnate whose paunch indicates he’s clearly not living off plant matter alone.

DiCaprio’s latest self-heralded investment is Beyond Meat, a plant based food patty that makes herbivores believe they’re eating something good for themselves and great for the planet. Yet made to look like a traditional hamburger patty so you maintain a faux masculinity similar to use of a Fleshlight. It’s unclear if there’s any science to any of the scientific claims, though that hardly matters. DiCaprio said something that sounds like it might be true, or maybe completely false:

“Livestock production is a major contributor to carbon emission. Shifting from animal meat to the plant-based meats developed by Beyond Meat is one of the most powerful measures someone can take to reduce their impact on our climate.”

The guy did attend “some high school”. I’d trust his empirical research. You don’t need a formal education or training of any kind to produce an opinion. A scientific declaration on the other would merit some type of footnoting of references. The world clearly benefits when we conflate the two.

It may very well be that cow farts are killing the planet. It’s definitely true that DiCaprio is going to make a mint if you eat his legume and quinoa patties. Somebody might need to hand feed the vegans who are in a constant state of anemic shuddering.

This is definitely one of those don’t hate the player, hate the game type scenarios. DiCaprio is a true believer. If you can be the minister who preaches chastity whilst titty fucking the hot parishioners, you’ve kind of won life. 

_{Photo credit: Getty Images}