Khloe Kardashian Is Love Doctor For Awkward Losers

Welcome to a world where any woman, no matter how unqualified she is, can share advice about love and dating the same way she shares STDs. Female celebrities haven’t been shy when it’s time to spew their view on topics they aren’t too familiar. And Khloe Kardashian feels like she knows enough about first dates to advise others. While she has a right to her opinion it would have been more beneficial for her to shut up. But being quiet is not in a Kardashian’s blood. Kris controls who scores a home run at first bat when it comes to her offspring. It’s always the highest bidder. Her mother has been arranging boyfriends for her daughters since Kim’s birth but Khloe feels like she’s genuinely in control of her own life. She’s here to tell everyone how to avoid having an awkward first date. 

“There’s nothing worse than an awkward-a*s first date!! Just thinking about it makes me cringe!” the 33-year-old wrote, adding that as soon as you and your suitor arrive, you should break the ice. She suggested bringing up “the menu or décor” of wherever your date is taking place, unless you or live in Los Angeles — then you can just talk about “the hellish traffic.”

Next, she recommended moving on to the basics: asking questions about their “family, job, [and] if they’re a dog or a cat person.” And from there, “it’s time to make sure you could actually spend more time together.”

“This is the fun part, dolls!” Kardashian said, offering up some questions designed to test a couple’s potential compatibility, like figuring out whether you like the same kind of music or enjoy doing similar things on the weekends.

But if your date just isn’t gifted in the art of conversation, don’t worry — the Good American designer has you covered. “If you’ve found yourself pulling teeth, why not at least try to salvage the convo with some imaginative questions [like] if you won the lotto, how would you spend your money?” she suggested.

Khloe is a master at the art of conversation. Small talk about the menu, music preferences, decor, and traffic is an excellent way to connect. I can just imagine the harmonious spiritual unification that occurs after finding out the person you took out to eat also enjoys three meals a day. It’s like they’re actually human. Advice like this is exactly why women don’t lead on dates. If anyone were to actually attempt to carry out such a dull conversation there would be no sex at the end of the night. Only two people who could have had the same light conversation at a doctor’s office in the waiting room. That scenario would also lead to no sex after, no need for a food bill in addition to boredom. And then there’s the “what if” questions to spice up an interaction that’s about to flatline. Maybe if more modern women actually had hobbies that didn’t peak at liking pictures on Instagram, complaining about work, and drinking on the weekend then maybe conversations would be more meaningful. A flaccid personality will always lead to flaccid results. I don’t care that you like to listen to Coldplay too. Tell me about the teen abortion you still keep secret from your parents. Or the time when your uncle almost touched you and how this has shaped your life as an adult. No one cherishes first date small talk when you’re dying one minute at a time.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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