Kardashians Paying Blac Chyna to Stop Saying Rob Hit Her

The Kardashians are notably awful people. That About Last Night line, “if you didn’t have a pussy there’d be a bounty on your head” is insufficient relative to the misdeeds of this coven of surgically enhanced cackling hens. 

To get behind the horrors of what is commonly known about horrible people to what is factually known often requires a lawsuit. This is why famous shitty people always settle suits. Nobody wants TMZ picking up the court filings and depositions from angry assertions on the record. In Europe, they don’t let the press in on these matters, or they risk arrest if they print. In the U.S., we relish this broken people fodder like the ambrosia that it is.

Blac Chyna sued pretty much every member of the Kardashian family for what she claims was a plot to destroy her second season deal with E! for the ‘Rob and Chyna’ reality series. Outside of hooking and making anchor babies, this is literally the one industry where she might get work. Think of her as a field goal kicker. There are only so many places to apply that skill for money. 

Given that the Kardashians pretty much own the E! network thanks to representing the bulk of their revenue, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that they can take a meeting there at the top and encourage important decisions on programming one way or another. Though they deny Chyna’s conspiratorial assertions and her mega-money ask behind it. 

The Kardashians insist that the show’s second season chances were dashed when Chyna filed a restraining order against Still Fat Rob Kardashian for hitting her and trying to strangle her with a phone cord. The domestic basics. All of these relationships on these shows are faked entirely for the cameras, so even though Rob and Chyna hated the shit out of each other, they easily could’ve jimmied up bogus footage for a second season. But the restraining order made that physically impossible since Rob couldn’t be shot in scenes with Chyna, making the pretend relationship thing impossible.

Within the suit and countersuit documents, was the information that Chyna later dropped the assault allegations against Rob Kardashian in exchange for $20K a month. They called it child support, because “roses” and “donations” sounded too on the nose whorish. Money does make many troubles go away, a pittance in cash for the Kardashians, but a ton of fur and fun time powder for Dream Kardashian’s mama.  She was smart enough to birth herself a Kardashian by way of its weakest link. You can’t take that away from her.

The difference between this family and white trailer trash is marked only by the zeroes in the bank account. The only unfortunate effect is how many millions of young women take the word of these virtual toothless gumbo hounds as the gospel on so many matters. Some day they’ll run a long term study to measure the outcomes of kids who followed the Kardashians versus those who smoked weed and notice how the potheads fared better.