Kaley Cuoco Screaming Engagement to Creepy Albino Heir (VIDEO)

There are two ways to interpret the highest paid lists in television. The first is an understanding of merit, hard work, and blue collar tenacity driving top tier talent into the eight figure salary range. The second involves fake tits, blow jobs, and luck. The truth lies in a mix, with 95-plus-percent toward the latter. Sort of like how 7-Up contains both real and artificial flavors. 

Kaley Cuoco earns a million dollars an episode for Big Bang Theory, one of the top rated sitcoms now running for something approaching a decade. It’s inexplicable, except in a world where the Kardashians have 70 million followers, Mark Wahlberg is the world’s highest paid actor, and we still pretend the WNBA is a vibrant sports league. We live in a world of self-produced shame. Cuoco’s took her first fat guaranteed rich-for-the-rest-of-her-life contract and decided to marry a hunky, barely employed tennis player. After a year of banging the world’s 1478th ranked tennis player for a year or so, Cuoco called it quits. Irreconcilable differences. Meaning, she was paying the mortgage and that’s not where attractive women need to be.

Cuoco’s latest guy is a Lurch looking fellow who hails from the richest family in Indiana. That’s only modestly a backhanded compliment. Karl Cook’s dad started Intuit, which among other things, invented and sold Quickbooks software for thirty years. Dad’s said to be worth several billion. Unclear what the son controls based on his avocation of slipping into tight slacks and riding horses. It’s a passion he shares with Cuoco, though it’s her hobby and his entire life.

So you didn’t miss the engagement, Cook and Cuoco shared it to social media with tears and a close-up of the rock, plus the natural hashtag plug for the jeweler to secure the sweet discount.

“Still crying every part of this night has been perfection just like you @mrtankcook I love you forever!” 

This was after Cuoco video shared most of the evening of wining and dining from her future second-ex-husband. It’s always nice to see a private and emotional moment splashed out to millions of strangers. Or at least it’s less obnoxious than that guy at your office who wanted to do a coordinated dance number for his proposal to his girlfriend.

There used to be a tradition where people didn’t play up their second marriages. That’s the same tradition that has made second marriages work so much better than the first, largely built on ceremony and celebration and wanting to bang each other senseless on wedding night. If you consider Cuoco will go through at least three husbands, you might grant her tears and screams even for her second go-round. This dude’s going to own Quickbooks one day. Not that she needs the money, but billions never made a guy less attractive. Even this Ichabod Crane looking horseman.