Bella Hadid Pushed to Tears Over U.S. Embassy Move

In 1995, the U.S. passed a law to formally recognize Jerusalem as the capital city of Israel. That seemed fair enough as we let every other country in the world tell us the name of their capital, and not the other way around. Washington DC was originally filled with Nacotchtank Indians. We made them far less happy when George Washington picked their land for this new country’s capital. Also way more dead.

Since that 1995 declaration, Presidents have been going to Jewish-American political groups and fundraising dinners promising them the U.S. would move the embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, to show we mean it officially. Applause ensues. Checks are written. But no President’s actually followed through because the Palestinians also consider Jerusalem to be their Muslim capital and nobody wants to openly piss off people who embrace suicide bombing so wholeheartedly.

Until Trump. Probably not for any high-minded or principled reason. Trump likes to do whatever people tell him he can’t do. He likes chaos. We all knew a kid like this back in school days. If he wasn’t physically big, he got his ass kicked quite a bit.

In response to Trump’s announcement, the Arab world has promised five-percent more Death to America. But the truly damaged party remains Bella Hadid. The robotic hot titty model’s father is Mohammed Hadid, a Palestinian Jordanian who fled his homeland to run nightclubs in Europe and eventually violate numerous zoning restrictions building oversized mansions in Bel Air. Along the way, he got a ton of infidel chick pussy, including Bella’s Dutch model mom. Bella Hadid and her sister Gigi Hadid often take breaks from lofting in the Meat Packing District to remind people that they’re half Muslim and therefore deserve to stand in the front row of Manhattan #Resistance marches.

On this occasion, Bella Hadid used her father’s birthright to declare the proposed U.S. embassy move to Jerusalem to be the saddest day in the history of sadness. Hadid insists that the Palestinians are a shafted people for whom she weeps with Trump’s decision. Though nothing against her Jewish friends, who she calls brothers and sisters. As a reminder that she may want to be in a Hollywood movie someday. 

It’s not that school dropout hot models with fake breasts and even fake lyme disease shouldn’t share their emotionally overwrought geo-political theories in betwixt half-tank top selfies. Hadid routinely sticks in an Arab world humanitarian protest slogan or meme every tenth social media titty pic. This holds even if all caps and ellipses must be heavily employed to substitute for formal grammar. 

Objectively, Bella Hadid is not any dumber than half the members of Congress. The issue is your sixteen million social media followers. You’re the de facto primary source of political news for millions of young women with questionable STEM skills the minute you make any pronouncement. It’s not as if they’re subscribing to The Economist, diving into thought pieces on WSJ.com, and then coming to you to round out their own views on the topic of the Two State Solution. It’s you and perhaps an MTV news clip if that. They think Trump mass murdered your dad’s cousins back in Ramallah. When in fact that’s not even on his agenda until 2019.

The whole “stay in your lane” slogan is inherently seen as a derogatory insult, when it’s actually the most prescient advice one can offer. It’s a variation of a coach screaming at a player to stay focused. It kept Henry Kissinger out of nip slips in Vogue. Now we need the vice-versa.