Baseball Used to Be Way Better (VIDEO)

Baseball is an inherently boring sport. That doesn’t mean you can’t like it. Plenty of people watch CBS primetime. They can’t all be morons. That might deserve a question mark.

Way back when MLB players openly indulged in cocaine and steroids and even showed up drunk to work, it was less less interesting. Drugs aren’t inherently good for people. But for spectators, they make everything better. And make hardcore porn possible.

Daryl Strawberry was one of the many bright MLB stars of the 80’s who was tweaking or lit throughout almost every single moment of his playing days. His multiple suspensions belied the fact that he could’ve had hundreds of time-outs for substance abuse. He was a fun guy. Everybody had more fun during the Reagan years. Save for people with The AIDS. And even they had fun for a while.

Strawberry’s ghost written numerous tomes about drugs and rehab and his messed up playing days, but he saved the best detail for last: he banged chicks in between innings of ball games. Dr. Oz never questions your veracity, only your ability to make lower thirds headlines. Strawberry brought his sex addiction stories to the ever creepier looking Oz, including that bit about pine tarring his rod with lady juice in the middle of ballgames:

“It was pretty crazy… I would go between innings, and stuff like that and run back and have a little party going on.”

Strawberry says his teammates all covered for him. Likely because they got his sloppy seconds, both in women and drugs, and that was plentiful. Though Strawberry cautioned the Oz audience that drugs and booze and out of control banging isn’t good for you. Oh, sure, now that you’ve had all the fun.

Strawberry is currently reaching out to Lamar Odom to see if he can offer up his help. Pre-coma might’ve been the more fortuitous time to intervene, but it’s still worth reaching out to see if you can save the last six months and ten percent of remaining forebrain of your fellow wayward traveler.