Playboy Goes Large

It takes some intestinal fortitude to be searching for your identity whilst in the process of drowning. Playboy is on life support and roaming to and fro with Cooper Hefner running ideas up the flagpole like transgendered Playmates and chicks in clothing.

Fresh from the bad idea chamber of horrors, Playboy is now promoting plus sized women. Fat chicks with saggy boobs clearly what is keeping Playboy from being relevant in 2017. You know how those BBW fetish mags are killing it on the newsstands. 

Playboy chose Molly Constable, a size 20 model they claim is up and coming based on her 20,000 Instagram followers. Or five thousand less than your drunk uncle who shares his fantasy football wisdom. You can tell Playboy was fully into the large bodied Constable by the fact that they shot her in acute twisted angles then Photoshopped the shit out of the resulting photos to make her look less tubby. 

Constable summed up her fat-forward philosophy on body image:

‘I have had make-up artists throw jabs at me for having stretch marks and them having to cover them up. Your weight is not important. It’s how you act toward people and feel on the inside.’

So very true. Unless you’re a nude model, then looks are the only thing that matters. EMT’s, not so much. Nobody comments on the muffin top of the woman who prevented them from bleeding to death after a car accident. The cheesecake Playmate, far more so.

There are certainly men who like heavy chicks with big floppy breasts and high waisted coverups. As there are some men who appreciate a fine slender young man with breasts calling himself Angela. There are exponentially more men who like super fit women with perfect titties. Which leads you to wonder the new purpose of Playboy.

“Relevant” is a term of art typically used by commercial endeavors to pretend they aren’t sellouts. You’re not really supposed to make social relevancy and Twitter approval your business model. Cooper Hefner’s entire existence is building his Brentwood cocktail party talking points for after he kills off his dad’s magazine. You flew to close to the sun. Also, you’re a shameless idiot. Thanks for the chunky women. Those are so hard to find in the real world.

_{Photo credit: Heather Hazzan / Instagram}