Kate Winslet Demands to Do Her Own Wet Work

Remember back in 2009 when for about three days everybody demanded an Avatar sequel? It’s okay if you’ve forgotten. It’s possible that never happened. But now it’s coming. They’re coming.

James Cameron either ran out of ideas or received a funding offer he couldn’t refuse because he’s making four Avatar sequels beginning with a 2020 release. In case you need help building excitement for the out years, Cameron leaked that the sequels all take place in the water. Mostly because he re-opened that Titanic pool in Mexico for a song and he’s up-selling it back to the studios for a fortune. It’s Avatar, but this time, it’s underwater!

The movies will feature the Metkayina people, who live in the seas of Pandora, which explains why you didn’t see them in the first movie. Also, maybe they’re on the spectrum and super shy. If they speak with Jar Jar accents, run.

Winslet will play, Ronal, a member of the Metkayina people who’s old enough to be wise, but young enough to be fuckable in her Avatar sequel costumery and CGI after effects. That’s her typecast, even on Pandora. Cameron bragged to Variety about how amazing it is to re-team with Winslet twenty years after Titanic, and how she’s insisted on doing her own wet work during rehearsals:

She plays a character who’s part of the Sea People, the reef people. The one thing she did do is demand that she do all her own water work. I said, ‘Alright, that’s fine, we’ll have to teach you how to free dive. The other actors are up to three- and four-minute breath holds. We’ve already been doing underwater capture.

Pretty sleek. The NAVY Seals used to do four minute breath holds until multiple recruits died and they removed the underwater breath holds from entrance requirements. Good luck with vegan actors who vape.

Cameron’s praise of Winslet is a watery upgrade to the “she insisted on doing her own stunts” cliche uttered by positive press outlets for movies and actors. Even if a 40-something thrice married mother of three wanted to perform her own “wet works”, they’d never allow her to take such risks. Not because they could create orphans and widowers. But because if Winslet is injured or killed, the movie production is fucked. Hence, insurance won’t allow it. As they didn’t during Titanic when Winslet had a body double. Though this will make for some great “How I Got Into Metkayina Shape in My 40’s” Kate Winslet magazine promo pieces for the film come 2020.

Can not wait for 2020. This must be how the Hillary supporters left in small pockets of Los Angeles and New York feel each morning.