Bijou Phillips… Alive?

Reports are coming in that Bijou Phillips is still apparently alive and that people still care about her. The glut of thirty-something actresses just now revealing with their faces that genetics unfortunately won’t allow for another decade of marginal success is overwhelming. Phillips didn’t make the cut, but thanks to new allegations of homophobia against Phillips from a fame ho former castmate Daniel Franzese, her dreams of stardom are coming true once again. Franzese is the Roxie Hart to Phillips’ Velma Kelly and together they can light up blog headlines for four more minutes or until we find out that Larry David is the latest Hollywood insider holding teen auditions on his grundle. (He’s my newest guess/hope by the way.)    

Phillips sounds like a trashy spoiled actress – crazy – in Franzese’s account of the time she bullied him on the set of their 2001 movie Bully. Obviously just being method. I mean meth head. She bizarrely began calling out Franzese’s sexuality on set before getting handsy with his tits:

?As we were shooting she kept loudly saying ‘Are you gay?!’ and laughing? while ?the producers? ?and photographer did nothing? ?to stop her but some of my cast like Micheal Pitt and Brad Renfro kept telling her to shut up? ?but she continued to say ‘Are You Gay?!’ Like 10 times making sure to be loud enough for everyone to hear I reluctantly told her i was bi. She cackled and? said ‘HA! He’s bi!’ And then when I showed up to work the next day in front of the crew she was screaming ‘Oh look! The Bi guy is here!’

She also gave Franzese a purple nurple, and he states that she “…kicked me as hard as she could in the back of the head.” Franzese claims that he’s just now coming out with this information, even though it happened forty-five-years-ago, because Ellen Page recently revealed a similar account of a public on-set outing that happened to her when she was eighteen. Whatever the reason, Franzese got Phillips to release a public apology in which she lets us know that she’s sorry even though she doesn’t remember anything. It basically reads as “This thing that means a lot to you means nothing to me you sad cow.” If nothing else, this recent deluge of allegations/apologies is upping my conflict resolution arsenal:

I want to write to address what Daniel has said. I don’t remember that time well, those years are a blur. I was a teenager and reckless in my behavior. I know Daniel to be a trustworthy and honest person, and to find out through social media that I was not the friend I thought I was to him made me so sad. I am so mortified by this behavior and have contacted Daniel and apologized to him privately. I am not and never have been homophobic. I have nothing but love for the LGBTQ community and Daniel.

Everyone has been marginalized at some point and everyone has done the marginalizing at some point, and I imagine the only one left standing in Hollywood after this morality showdown will have to be someone so forgettable, unimportant, and pig-like that no one thought to bother them. Shot in the dark, but, Rumer Willis?

^{Photo Credit: Lions Gate Films, Daniel Franzese / Instagram / Splash News / Backgrid USA}