Payton Manning Testicle And Anus Troubles, Again

Football’s golden boy and down syndrome success story Peyton Manning may be known for how he once handled the ball on the field while working towards his Heisman or leading the Colts to the Super Bowl, but it’s what he does off the field with balls that really has people talking. America seemed to have a selective collective memory after allegations of sexual misconduct against Manning came to light in 2003. Dr. Jamie Naughright was at the receiving end of Manning’s grundle in 1996 while he was playing for the University of Tennessee in what Manning claims was a simple accident. My favorite sentence of the year, from TMZ:

Naughright had accused Manning of shoving his testicles and anus into her face while she was examining him on a training table at UT. 

God is great. We now have footage from Manning’s 2003 deposition, during which he explains exactly what went down between his balls and anus and the unsuspecting UT trainer:

I briefly pulled down my pants to so-called ‘moon’ [a friend]. One second, one and a half seconds. Pulled my pants back up and continued with Jamie’s examination of the bottom of my foot.

Inside Edition, the same show that gave misunderstood trash compactor Crystal her time in the spotlight, is now providing Naughright with the last word. She’s not backing down from her claims, but I’m assuming some sort of monetary compensation might assuage the ball and anus trauma. I was one of the elite few who attended the University of Tennesee, and if his personality and acting ability are any indications, Manning barely has the wherewithal to finish a game of tic-tac-toe, no less intentionally sexually molest his trainer. It’s like what happened to Lennie from Of Mice and Men. I think. Thanks UT. Naughright sought employment where she would be surrounded by testosterone-crazed men in various states of undress on the reg. This might just be my school spirit talking, but, shouldn’t walking away with only a face-full of Peyton’s man taint feel like a win?

^{Photo Credit: Inside Edition}