Mariah Carey Pre-Positioning (VIDEO)

If Mariah Carey were a relatively normal person, you might feel sorry for her awkward position. Which was laying across a sofa in an evening gown promoting her Christmas special. It’s the first week of October, but check out the stores. She’s not alone. 

Carey was on a satellite feed to Good Morning Britain, where Piers Morgan and another British person you don’t need to know were feeding her softball questions about her Yuletide show. The team of wranglers and civil engineers who manage Carey had placed her in a Cleopatra pose across the sofa, with the fully decked out Christmas tree over her left shoulder. Everything was running smooth as a Carey lip-synch performance when Piers Morgan tossed in a question about the breaking news story in Vegas. It was like asking a fish to do math.

Carey was literally in an impossible situation. She couldn’t move if she wanted to, to sit up and look somewhat concerned about a mass concert shooting in a city where she regularly performs. Also, she can’t speak intelligently to any position outside of her Arby’s order so you had a perfect storm of elite person embarrassment. Imagine the wetness protection shields places strategically in her dress were reaching maximum humidity.

Social media exploded with lambastes of Carey for her full-on Marie Antoinette while the peasants lay bloody in the streets. Carey’s defenders pointed out how the show thrust her cruelly into such a ridicule worthy light. Though Piers Morgan insisted that Carey and her people were told in advance of the interview that “Vegas” would be brought up. He only seems to lie half the time, so who knows.

Life will at times thrust you into difficult and humbling situations. You can’t control that. You can mostly control looking fat and stupid. That really makes the fall worse. It’s a simple matter of gravity.