If the Bumps Ain’t Legit, You Must Acquit

Nothing good comes of the family of a dead woman suing the rich guy she used to date before offing herself. If you discount the possibility of money.

Jim Carrey’s in the midst of a civil suit from friends and family of Catriona White claiming Carrey played a material role in the hot but sad Irish chick taking her own life in 2015. White ended her life shortly after Carrey broke up with her, claiming among other things a general Gaelic depression and the herpes Carrey gave her. The family really latched on to the latter since you need something more concrete than “he broke her heart” when you’re going for seven figures.

A key piece of evidence in the case is a 2013 text from White to Carrey with claims of itchy bumps on her vagina. Not exactly sexting as more commonly defined. Carrey’s attorneys have countered with a claim to the court and why not, the general public, that White lied about her crotch bumps being an outbreak of the herp, but rather, a result of her receiving a Brazilian wax job. They claim White used the falsely claimed demon bumps in an attempt to shake down Carrey for big cash. 

Carrey contends White had herpes prior to their relationship. Unclear if there’s any way to prove this, or disprove this. Can they verify age on herpes as they do a tree, by the number of rings in the trunk? What a tangled web we weave with these herpes mysteries.

Carrey’s camp further contends that White’s mom, the primary plaintiff in the case, wasn’t the least bit close to her daughter in life, and the two rarely spoke. It’s worth noting that the assertions of both sides in the case are not mutually exclusive. Carrey can be a massively effed up psycho boyfriend who uses up chicks, leaves them with rashes, and moves on his way when things get tear-filled. And White could’ve been a crazy depressed woman who was suicidal much of her adult life and her family who she never cared for could be looking to cash in on her death. In fact, this “both” scenario seems the most likely based on historical evidence.

Still, it’s not criminal or even civilly liable simply to be a shitty boyfriend. Unless there’s some kind of evidence of gross behavior directly leading to White’s death, this one goes away. In fact, it would already be gone if Carrey had written a check in the first place. Whether he’s standing his ground on principle or merely sheer hate remains to be seen, and ultimately, doesn’t really matter. He’ll be dating another hot chick soon enough.