Gal Gadot Hates America

Gal Gadot is about as charming as Natalie Portman’s role in Black Swan as played by a skin tag during her appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. The thirty-two-year-old Israeli and Mr. Tears Of A Clown cover everything from her role in Wonder Woman to the mysteries of chocolate and peanut butter, and Gadot manages to work in some fun and flirty sanctimonious comments about how Americans are fat ungodly pigs, to which Fallow says “Heyuck, I’m going to blow my brains out any day now so shit on me all you want.” Paraphrasing.

I always say that searing observations about American values are best told by bulimic millionaire actresses from other countries, and Gadot does me proud by teaching us a thing or two about our garbage heap nation. Thanks for setting the record straight:

It’s weird, you guys in America. You have wonderful holidays, but it’s kind of crazy right? Because it’s all about consuming and consuming. So Christmas. Everyone buying presents. And then Halloween. Everyone gotta do candies and buy tons of candy.

Gadot, who took English lessons from a cab driver, also admits that she’s but a waif petunia and has never partaken in a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Her confession is followed by a knowing smirk that will probably give you stage four diarrhea. Fallon just so happens to have a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup under his desk, that rascal, and Gadot takes a bite before admitting that her future throw up is delicious.

Shailene Woodley is obviously a horrible person, but at least she lives out of a suitcase and only wears sweaters made from her own pubes. I need Gadot to teach me about conspicuous consumption like I need Khloé Kardashian to give me fitness tips. On one hand, I’m not particularly proud of 370-pound Americans jerking off underwater at Six Flags Hurricane Harbor. On the other hand, I kind of am. If you don’t like it, feel free to buy a plane ticket and leave. Gadot can afford it.

^{Photo Credit: The Tonight Show}