Claire Foy’s Knee Survives Adam Sandler Attack

Claire Foy is such a prim and proper English rose that she makes Kate Winslet look like a bag of Katie Price’s douche juice. Instead of slamming the h8ers with clever hashtags and tearful but defiant Snapchat videos after getting knee molested by former comedian Adam Sandler, she had her people release a brief, succinct, unceremonious, un-fame ho statement. Rose McGowan just choked in the bloody tampon she was snacking on. The statement reads:

We don’t believe anything was meant by Adam‘s gesture and no [offense] was caused to Claire.

The incident happened on the Graham Norton Show, where Emma Thompson, a fake lesbian, Foy, and Sandler were lined up in front of everyone’s favorite cackling homosexual hyena. Sandler looked like all comedians do when they’re over fifty – suicidal – while he was recounting some amazing story about his Water Boy days. Audiences couldn’t help but notice that Sandler kept placing his hand on Foy’s knee. At one point she even ever-so-politely removed his hand, and looked visibly flustered at his repeated awkward touching. Sandler turned the situation into a hilarious slapstick gag, because no one knows what contemporary audiences want like the star of Jack and Jill.

Foy was taken to the hospital where a rape kit was administered on her knee and thighs. Thankfully things checked out A-OK. To be fair, people are pointing out that this could be a nervous tick of Sandler’s, and that he’s done it with men’s knees in the past. Bi-kneeual. Either way, by downplaying the situation, Foy dismisses Sandler like someone would an old man who still uses the N-word, and who no one corrects because his family members are all just waiting for him to die. While we all politely wait for Sandler to die, Foy isn’t interested in getting tangled up in his sexual harassment tabloid fodder. The only type of tabloid fodder that matters these days. Now we wait for Chrissy Teigen and the others to bring down the wrath of God on Foy. Teach the bitch a lesson in sisterhood and female empowerment.  

^{Photo Credit: YouTube}