What Is There Even To Say

Kristen Stewart and star-crossed career-convenient lover Stella Maxwell turned up the “We’re Lesbians Yo!” dial to a ten with a recent ho stroll in New York City’s Little Italy. Kristen is the 80’s high school dropout who works at his dad’s garage to bankroll his ironic 50’s throwback fashion. And who watches too many Christian Slater movies. And who is a big lesbian. Stella Maxwell looks like every other Victoria’s Secret model on the planet, with the exception of a nude pin-up graphic on her shirt. Telling the world “I’m a pussy monster rawr.”

Being a lesbian in Hollywood isn’t as easy as it used to be. And being a fake lesbian is even harder. Jodi Foster, Lily Tomlin, Cherry Jones, Tom Cruise and so many others lived and acted like normal human beings residing on planet Earth before coming out. And stayed the same after. They didn’t run to Lezes “R” Us and layer up in combat gear.

Then there’s Kristen Stewart. Everyone expresses gender differently. When a straight bro frets over which pastel #summerstyle outfit will get him the most Insta likes, he’s a woman. And that’s fine. When a straight woman thinks she looks good without makeup, she’s a man. And wrong. And that’s fine. But Stewart’s lez explosion is affected to the point that not only lesbians should be offended, but anyone with eyes and a brain should be offended. A newborn should be offended. A dog should be offended. And would probably look better in coveralls. And would probably possess more self-awareness. 

^{Photo Credit: Splash News}