Rodman Going to Fix This Shit

Kim Jong-un likes to party with the world’s least judgmental drunks because even an autocrat grows weary of his yes-men when it’s time to get funky. Also, the thirteen year old concubines are starting to get their periods.

Dennis Rodman is the one American Kim seems to share any affinity for. Rodman’s been to North Korea a couple times now in sponsored weed t-shirts to play in fake basketball tournaments and get loaded with the golden child. Only now has Rodman explained the full extent of the not so unlikely pair’s active vacations together: 

We laugh, we sing karaoke, we do a lot of cool things together. We ride horses, we hang out, we go skiing, we hardly ever talk politics, and that’s the good thing.

Give Rodman credit for not mentioning the things that happen after midnight. If he remembers any of them. It still reads like the synopsis of a Fabio covered romance novel.

During times of North Korean and American heightened tensions, the press can’t help by pepper Rodman with questions about helping to mediate the warring factions. It’s as if a long time drunk slammed with years of back child support payments is a global statesmen with a track record of international accords. Or that Kim Jong-un would give up his dreams of Korean peninsula reunification by force for another trail ride with laugh out loud Michael Jordan stories from Rodman.

Rodman claims he’s earnest in his desire to mend fences between North Korea and the U.S. Promptly thereafter he fell asleep for four days and woke up covered in his own vomit in the basement of a Cali cartel lieutenant. Slow and steady wins the diplomacy race. This thing should be settled by next Tuesday.

_{Photo credit: Getty Images / Splash News}