Khloe Kardashian Will Ever Go Hungry Again

In an almost 800 word essay composed by Khloe Kardashian and her support team, the youngest Kardashian sister claims that in the first five years of her TV show fame, she was denied the commercial opportunities of her two older sisters due to her weight. This would be her waistline, not inclusive of the inexplicable 78% larger skeletal structure than her two tiny supposedly full sisters. 

“The truth is that I was heavier then too, so not a lot of endorsements were coming my way. Brands would prefer to align themselves with Kim or Kourtney, which I was totally fine with because I was still along for the ride. But it’s also a very sad thing to realize that most brands are interested only in pretty, cute, in-shape girls.”

So sad that Khloe delved into surgeries, enhancements, extreme workouts, body cinching, organ crunching, and hair and facial bleaching in order to be as pretty and cute and in-shape as possible. Also leaning forward for famous athletes and rappers at a speed that would make a VH-1 basketball wife think, “Who is that robo-whore?”. 

In those early days, with the pressure to earn, Khloe Kardashian took a bunch of commercial endorsements from the D-list brand she looks back on with some reticence: 

There were things I did back then that made me think, Why am I doing this? I once did a deal with a tampon company, and I was like, ‘Why am I so thirsty?

Tough one. Extensive flow dehydration?

No matter. After completely altering her look and shape and hunching in photos with her sisters, Khloe began receiving deals from more prominent brands looking to reach her below average IQ female social media following. The ones who adore her “keep it real” motto while applauding her snapping four of ribs to shrink her thoracic firth.

Life has never been easy for Khloe. The simple child with the traumatic brain injury and questionable lineage. Rescued only be an unquestioning female media culture that allows somebody to be a reality TV era exotic dancer and still a default feminist. Throw in the mega-cash and Khloe Kardashian finally has a seat at the big girl Kardashian table. Not to be confused with the dead or comatose boys table.

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}