Herpes Vic Details Usher’s Dick

Every time some groupie hooks up with a rich celebrity and later sues them for twenty million for herpes contraction, you want to dismiss the case under the Hail Mary gold-digging label. When that same chick has reams and reams of testimony detailing the nature of the sexual encounters and the tripping weird dick hiding shit on the part of the celebrity, you might want to take a second look. 

Usher’s “Jane Doe” herpes accuser has come out as Laura Helm, a self-described platonic acquaintance of Usher prior to their sexual encounters. Or exactly the reason you have platonic acquaintances of the opposite gender. Helm and her attorneys came out strong against Usher’s request to the judge to dismiss the $20 million suit with a minute by minute testimonial of the pair’s several sexual encounters. If you thought “It” was scary, don’t read any further.

Helm claims she and Usher got busy twice this past April. The first time, in Atlanta, Usher used a condom during intercourse. At some point they ceased and he asked her to blow him bare. She complied. It’s not a question you ask if you don’t know the answer ahead of time. You’re Usher. Helm gobbled some R&B cock though before he finished, Usher snatched up his penis like a prized possession and ran off to the bathroom, closing the door to ejaculate in private. Liz Lemon, deal breaker. What kind of man doesn’t make his formerly platonic acquaintances swallow? A herpes man.

A week or two later, Helm visited Usher at his hotel room in New Orleans. They engaged in more oral sex and intercourse, as horny cats do. Usher insisted Helm blow him out on the hotel balcony. Maybe he had a bet with his boys across the way or something. Or he simply likes to hear the sounds of the Jazz City at night while a woman sucks on his tainted knob. He then performed oral sex on Helm. And then the fucking. Only this time, Usher produced no condom. Not that she stopped him. Though at this point presumably only he knows he has herpes. That can ruin a good anchor baby making scenario.

After finishing in New Orleans, Helms noted some repeat odd behavior:

“[Usher] leapt from the bed, grabbed his penis, ran to the bathroom, and began to shower again.”

You can’t help but feel that whole “grab” as a verb choice implies a pretty good post-coital penis size. “Cup” might be more to the baseline of the average male. Though swell size or not, it was after these sexual encounters when Helm noticed the demon bumps arising.

“an unusual bump appeared on the inside of Plaintiff’s cheek and an unusual bump the size of a pea that was painful to the press touch on Plaintiff’s vagina” 

Helm claims that she got herself tested only after she read about another woman suing Usher for $1.1 million for herpes. And that’s when she was confirmed to be down with the HSV2. And launched her own suit. Or she saw the financial opportunity. That also fits the same story. Though the only pertinent legal question is whether the tiny singer knowingly blasted her with the herpes bugs during sex. Regardless of her skanky motivations.

Helms made the usual pro forma claims regarding sex with no other men during this same period of time. And then a bunch of stuff about being publicly humiliated, embarrassed, and not to mention, this shit hurts down here, yo. She wants $20 million under the suggestion that Usher and all that penis grabbing and showering and running away clearly was hiding his tainted herpes dick and did intentionally inflict this upon her. Also, he seems to have admitted in previous court cases he was aware of his herp positive diagnoses.

It’s hard to see how this case finally shakes out. 2 million seems a decent guess. Maybe there is something to this platonic thing after all. Healthy privates. Consider bowling over dates with men pushing commando hard on early dates.

_{Photo credits: TMZ.com / lauramichellemusic.com}