Gwyneth Paltrow Warns People Not To Fuck With Her

One thing you can say abut Gwyneth Paltrow, she’s got moxie. Or that other word for moxie, conceited. She does not lack confidence.

Paltrow conducted a long form interview with the Hollywood Reporter where she was fed softball questions about Goop she could respond to with self-promotional answers that resembled something human. “Is it hard being so successful, Gwyneth?” Oh, that’s a tough one, let me think.

Paltrow insisted she has big plans for the luxury lifestyle brand that has replaced sexual fulfillment for thousands of women in Paltrow’s demographic. There’s a recently launched brick and mortar store and print magazine featuring Paltrow naked covered in mud on the cover. That’s fifteen bucks per. She’s launching a Goop TV show soon. And has plans to build out hotel and spas where visitors can access Goop doctors, most of whom are currently being investigated for medical legitimacy. Don’t look behind the curtain, it’s Paltrow consuming the nutrients in her own feces.

The reason for the wonder-of-me-and-Goop interview is the recent slough of bad press revolving around consumer protection groups releasing endless examples of misleading health and medical claims made by Goop’s expensive potion, balm, and salve products. Paltrow has an answer for the nattering nabobs of negativism:

“I’m interested in criticism based on fact, not on projections. If you want to fuck with me, bring your A game.”

They did bring their A game. It was a long form document loaded with facts. Having nobody challenge your statements in the celebrity press is a nice trick. You’d love to see the Monsanto CEO come out with such gumption when his company’s products accidentally create a leukemia cluster at a local elementary school. 

The arguments detailing Paltrow as pretentious ass-munch are largely moot.  The demand for Paltrow’s Goop product is inelastic among her audience. Her fans are true believers. They’d walk across hot coals for Paltrow, then purchase a $189 foot healing spray made out of lilac and duck spit with unfounded claims of effectiveness. Money moves from the dumb to the smart in an unstoppable systemic flow of laissez-faire capitalism. You’d probably not want to ever reverse that flow.

The Kardashians likely damage the financials of not so rich girls with their mass merchandise snake-oil sales. Paltrow is purely interested in ripping off wealthy ladies longing for an ounce of esteem. In which case, hers is largely a victimless crime. Settle yourself on the fact Paltrow’s largely miserable. Happy people eat.

_{Photo Credit: Backgrid}