Ariel Winter’s Ass is Hungry

Sometimes the ass wants what the ass wants. That’s basically Ariel Winter’s defense for the ass cheeks that ate her shorts the other day. She claims her body has blossomed but still possesses the figure of a practice girl. A real life Meg Griffin when she attempted to appear hot and still remained awkward and repulsive. But what other option do you have but to objectify yourself when you’re ugly. Sometimes some women are just out of touch when it comes to appearance. In your mind, you may believe you’re boss hog with a body. But in reality, you look like a can of Spam. And low quality cheek meat stuffed in packaging too small never attracted any type of high clientele. 

It’s really not Ariel Winter‘s fault that her booty sometimes sneaks out of her shorts. The Modern Family star is no stranger to rocking some revealing ensembles, and while haters may say she tries to show off all her curves, she promises those teeny tiny shorts are simply the victim of her pert derriere. In fact, Winter took to Twitter with the perfect clapback for anyone criticizing her cheeky attire. “I literally do not try and show my ass when I wear shorts,” she wrote. “My ass just eats them up and then I don’t notice…awkward af.”

Hopefully she saves her money from Modern Family for future surgeries like every other respectable female celebrity. If you weren’t born with it you can buy it these days. Build a better body and they will come. More than once too if your surgeon made you hot enough to be on the front page of the tabloid. Where are the women who support her? She’s one hot dog and septum piercing away from being the average weight of the modern American social media justice warrior feminist. I can’t wait until body shaming is placed as higher priority than free speech and considered criminal comment offenses so the obese can comfortably wear hooker shorts on a hot day. Or uncomfortably as they tend to always buy two sizes too small so they purposely ride up giving all tailgaters an unwanted show. 

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